Elon Musk Needs an Editor

Every writer needs an editor. Even Elon Musk. Especially Elon Musk.

On Jan. 28, the tech billionaire-turned-government cost-cutter, acting on behalf of President Donald Trump, issued a scorched-earth email to about two million federal employees outlining his “Fork in the Road” policy to rapidly reduce the size of the federal workforce.

Musk used the same phrase to slash the Twitter workforce after he bought the company in 2022 and changed its name to X.

The federal fork in the road is essentially this: Keep your job (maybe) by declaring your loyalty and meeting new work standards. Or take a buyout and resign.

About 50,000 employees had accepted the buyout before the Feb. 6 deadline. Later that day, the government extended the deadline through Monday, Feb. 10, after unions representing federal employees filed suit to halt the program. A U.S. District Judge in Boston heard arguments in the case on then put the buyout on hold indefinitely while he prepared his ruling, Reuters reported. About 65,000 employees have taken the deal, according to the White House.

We live in a dangerously divided country, with strong opinions on both sides. I tried to put politics aside and read this memo as an editor whose job is to make the writer better. Musk may be brilliant at tech, but his writing needs help. Communicating bad news requires clarity, conciseness and some level of compassion. Musk’s email fails all three.

Here’s my markup of the Musk Missive with my comments in italics. It’s followed by my edited version.  

From: HR <hr@opm.gov>
Sent: Tuesday, January 28, 2025 6:06 PM [The policy took effect on Jan. 28, but the email didn’t go out until after 6 p.m.]
Subject: [EXTERNAL] Fork in the Road [Many people will not know what that means. Get to the point in the subject line.]
Importance: High

During the first week of his administration, President Trump issued a number of directives concerning the federal workforce. Among those directives, the President required that employees return to in-person work, restored accountability for employees who have policy-making authority, restored accountability for senior career executives, and reformed the federal hiring process to focus on merit. As a result of the above orders, the reform of the federal workforce will be significant.

[The first paragraph is too slow. Don’t start by reciting the president’s directive, which many have already heard. And don’t say the reforms will be “significant.” What employees want to know is, “What does this mean for me?”]

The reformed federal workforce will be built around four pillars: 

[This section explains some of the rationale for the policy, but it still doesn’t tell employees what’s happening to them.]

1) Return to Office: The substantial majority of federal employees who have been working remotely since Covid will be required to return to their physical offices five days a week. Going forward, we also expect our physical offices to undergo meaningful consolidation and divestitures, potentially resulting in physical office relocations for a number of federal workers.

[Not only do you have to come back to the office five days a week, but your office might be relocated. And you still haven’t told me if I still have a job.]

2) Performance culture: The federal workforce should be comprised of the best America has to offer. We will insist on excellence at every level — our performance standards will be updated to reward and promote those that exceed expectations and address in a fair and open way those who do not meet the high standards which the taxpayers of this country have a right to demand.

[What are these updated standards? How will I know if I meet them?]

3) More streamlined and flexible workforce: While a few agencies and even branches of the military are likely to see increases in the size of their workforce, the majority of federal agencies are likely to be downsized through restructurings, realignments, and reductions in force. These actions are likely to include the use of furloughs and the reclassification to at-will status for a substantial number of federal employees.

[OK, finally. Every story is about one thing primarily. What’s the one thing in this story? Here it is, nearly 250 words in. We’re cutting the workforce.]

4) Enhanced standards of conduct: The federal workforce should be comprised of employees who are reliable, loyal, trustworthy, and who strive for excellence in their daily work. Employees will be subject to enhanced standards of suitability and conduct as we move forward. Employees who engage in unlawful behavior or other misconduct will be prioritized for appropriate investigation and discipline, including termination.

[This raises more questions than it answers. What are these enhanced standards? What makes me “suitable”? How will you judge my “conduct”?]

Each of the pillars outlined above will be pursued in accordance with applicable law, consistent with your agency’s policies, and to the extent permitted under relevant collective-bargaining agreements.

If you choose to remain in your current position, we thank you for your renewed focus on serving the American people to the best of your abilities and look forward to working together as part of an improved federal workforce. At this time, we cannot give you full assurance regarding the certainty of your position or agency but should your position be eliminated you will be treated with dignity and will be afforded the protections in place for such positions.

[“If you choose…” We’re 357 words in, and we’re finally getting to the nitty gritty. You can stay, but we can’t guarantee that your job won’t change or be eliminated.]

If you choose not to continue in your current role in the federal workforce, we thank you for your service to your country and you will be provided with a dignified, fair departure from the federal government utilizing a deferred resignation program. This program begins effective January 28 and is available to all federal employees until February 6. If you resign under this program, you will retain all pay and benefits regardless of your daily workload and will be exempted from all applicable in-person work requirements until September 30, 2025 (or earlier if you choose to accelerate your resignation for any reason). The details of this separation plan can be found below.

[And now, at the end, comes the real news: You have until Feb. 6 to resign and take a buyout.]

Whichever path you choose, we thank you for your service to The United States of America.

Our edit
Our edit doesn’t make the news any easier to take. The point is not to spare employees the pain but to be clear about what’s happening, why it’s happening and what options are available to them. Be clear. Be concise. And show a little empathy.

From: HR <hr@opm.gov>
Sent: Tuesday, January 28, 2025 6:06 PM
Subject: Reduction in workforce, voluntary resignation
Importance: High

As part of President Trump’s directive to reduce the size of the federal workforce, we’re offering employees a choice: You can keep your job, subject to new standards and availability, or you can leave your employment as part of our deferred resignation program. 

In the coming weeks, many federal agencies are likely to be downsized through restructurings, realignments, and reductions in force.

Why are we doing this? The growth in the federal budget is unsustainable, and President Trump has directed us to reduce the size of government and make it function more efficiently. We understand this news is causing anxiety for federal employees, and that’s why we’re offering you two simple options.

If you choose not to continue in your current role, we thank you for your service to your country. The deferred resignation program is available to all federal employees until Feb. 6. If you resign under this program, you will retain all pay and benefits regardless of your daily workload and will be exempted from all applicable in-person work requirements until Sept. 30, 2025.

If you choose to remain in your current position, we thank you for your renewed focus on serving the American people to the best of your abilities and look forward to working together as part of an improved federal workforce. At this time, however, we cannot guarantee that your job will continue as part of the plan to reduce the size of the federal workforce.

Four pillars
The reformed federal workforce will be built around four pillars: 

1) Return to Office: Most federal employees who have been working remotely since COVID-19 will now be required to return to their offices five days a week. We also expect our offices to undergo meaningful consolidation and divestitures, potentially resulting in office relocations for some federal workers.

2) Performance culture: The federal workforce should be comprised of the best America has to offer. We are updating our performance standards to reward and promote employees who exceed expectations and to remove those who do not. 

3) More streamlined and flexible workforce: While a few agencies and branches of the military are likely to see increases, we will reduce the overall workforce substantially through furloughs, consolidation and restructuring.

4) Enhanced standards of conduct: We expect federal employees to be reliable, loyal, trustworthy, and to strive for excellence in their daily work. We are creating new standards to evaluate employee conduct and to discipline, and possibly terminate, those who don’t measure up. 

Whichever path you choose, we thank you for your service to the United States of America. If you decide to resign, please review the Deferred Resignation Letter below.

Jim Ylisela will edit anyone, though he’s not waiting for Elon Musk to accept his changes. If you want to help your team — or your leaders — be better communicators, check out our Build Better Writers program and drop us a line for a free consultation.

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