Trouble with Your First Sentence? Call the Doctor

When you don’t know what to put in that first sentence of a story, you need to call for help.

Just say: Doctor, doctor, gimme the news. I’ve got bad a lede that’s buggin’ you.

A Lede Doctor can cure those ills, unlike the pills in the 1979 Robert Palmer song. Anyone can become a Lede Doctor with experience. An editor or a coworker can help a writer see what to take out, what to put in and how to add a bit of cleverness that will attract readers’ attention.

The formula for editing or writing the first sentence of a news story is simple to state. Identify: Who, what, when, where, why and how in the story. Then make choices. That’s sometimes harder to do, requiring taking a step back from the story.

As part of our Build Better Writers program of one-on-one coaching and editing, we spend time showing writers how to write good first sentences, called ledes in some newsrooms. We explain our changes in written comments and video calls, so that participants can apply those principles to their next stories.

We’re still surprised after so many years that PR people write first sentences in press releases that make most journalists shudder. Isn’t the point to spark interest in a story?

To demonstrate our approach, we’ve selected four press releases published on the same day on PR Newswire. We’ve presented the original version, our edited version and our reasons for making changes.

Fixing the lede often requires changing the headline too. To keep things simple, we’ve included the headline to only one of the press releases.

1. Their version: Routers
PARIS, Sept. 7, 2026 /PRNewswire/ — EKINOPS (Euronext Paris – FR0011466069 – EKI), a leading European provider of optical networking, connectivity and SASE cybersecurity solutions for telecommunications operators and enterprises, today announced that 1&1 Versatel GmbH, the Düsseldorf-based German B2B telecommunications provider with nationwide fiber reach, has begun rolling out the Ekinops connectivity portfolio.

Our version:
PARIS, Sept. 7, 2026 /PRNewswire/ — Versatel GmbH is rolling out Paris-based EKINOPS’ routers, which will allow the German telecommunications provider to reduce the number of devices and cut its electricity bill by 35% on average.

Tip: Cut the jargon The original lede is loaded with jargon, such as “optical networking” and “connectivity portfolio.” We must guess what EKINOPS is selling to Versatel, but the second paragraph mentions routers. If there’s other equipment, let’s mention that lower in the story.  

Reducing electricity usage is part of a broader trend, which might explain why readers would care about this news. Let’s move it to the first sentence from the third paragraph. Lower in the story, we’ll flesh out how EKINOPS allows the customer to use fewer routers.

2. Their version: Hello Kitty
SAN DIEGO, Sept. 7, 2026 /PRNewswire/ — Sony Electronics Inc. today announced a limited-edition collaboration with Hello Kitty, one of Sanrio’s most beloved and recognizable characters. Available only through the Sony Store, the collection pairs select Sony headphones with exclusive Hello Kitty collaboration merchandise, bringing together Sony’s premium audio experience and Hello Kitty’s iconic charm. Pre-orders begin later this holiday season.

Our version:
SAN DIEGO, Sept. 7, 2026 /PRNewswire/ — Hello Kitty says, “Hello Sony” to limited-edition headphones. The Sony Store is offering wireless, pink-and-sand or all-black headphones combined with a carrying case featuring Hello Kitty cat ears and bow.

Tip: Have fun. It’s Hello Kitty!

The original lede spends too much time talking about Sony and Sanrio and not enough time describing the product. Writing should be fun, both to do and to read. Anyone interested in this product already knows that Hello Kitty is “beloved and recognizable” and has “iconic charm.”

We’ve broken up the lede into two sentences, which emphasizes the word play of the first sentence.

3. Their version: Miss America
WEST PALM BEACH, Fla., Sept. 7, 2026 /PRNewswire/ — Regan Hutsell, Miss Texas, has been crowned the 99th Miss America. Following two nights of preliminary competitions featuring 52 delegates of the 50 states, the District of Columbia, and the Commonwealth of Puerto Rico, Hutsell became the fourth Miss Texas to capture the Miss America title in 105 years.

Our version:
Miss America for 2027 is Miss Texas, Regan Hutsell, 18, a former Radio City Rockette and dancer with the Birmingham Royal Ballet, whose experience overcoming an eating disorder led her to community service.

Tip: Tell the news What’s newsworthy is Hutsell. Tell the audience about her. The pageant’s version focuses on the process, but that’s not what the audience most cares about.

Our lede touches on her selection (the pageant’s first sentence), her dance career (the pageant’s second paragraph) and her personal challenge (the third paragraph).

One thing our lede leaves out is in the pageant’s fourth paragraph. She’s “the first woman of color to win the Miss America crown while wearing her natural hair.”

Hutsell’s hairstyle helped her “redefine what beauty meant for her,” People magazine said.

Are more people interested in recovery from an eating disorder than Black women’s decisions to straighten their hair? This story would make an editor choose.  

Another version: Miss America for 2027 is Miss Texas, Regan Hutsell, 18, a former Radio City Rockette and dancer with the Birmingham Royal Ballet, who’s the tenth Black woman to wear the crown and first to have it rest on her natural hair.  

4. Their version: Bank deal One way to learn about ledes is to see how other news publications handle your same story. This bank merger was covered by several outlets, including The Wall Street Journal and CNBC.

For this example, we’ll include the headline.

WaFd, Inc. Enters into a $3.9 Billion Reverse Merger Transaction with EverBank Financial Corp
Combination will position bank for strong performance and returns, with significant EPS accretion in 2027
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. and SEATTLE, Sept. 7, 2026 /PRNewswire/ — EverBank Financial Corp, the parent company of EverBank, N.A., and WaFd, Inc. (NASDAQ: WAFD), the parent company of WaFd Bank, today announced they have entered into a definitive merger agreement providing for a strategic combination of EverBank Financial Corp and WaFd, Inc.

Our version:
EverBank to Combine With WaFd to Create $75 Billion Bank
The parent companies of EverBank and WaFD Bank have agreed to a $3.9 billion merger that stretches from Florida to Washington
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. and SEATTLE, Sept. 7, 2026 /PRNewswire/ — Privately owned EverBank Financial Corp. would become a public company after a proposed merger with publicly held WaFd Inc., a deal that would combine EverBank’s digital operations with the smaller WaFd’s branches in the Pacific Northwest.

Our tip: Talk to compliance The folks in the legal and investor relations departments mean well, but they often bog down press releases with details that are appropriate for SEC filings. Those details are important, but they should be tucked in as the release expands on the news. Start with a conversation with the compliance team.

Big numbers attract readers’ attention, which is why we use both figures.

We avoid the jargon, “reverse merger” by describing the deal as a privately held company merging into a public company but maintaining control.

An alternative approach would be to put this transaction into the trend of consolidation in the banking industry, which shows no sign of ending.

Perfect in every way
The saying, “It’s not how you start but how you finish,” isn’t true of writing. If stories get off to a bad start, no one will finish them.

A more apt proverb is from “Mary Poppins” that’s older than Aristotle: “Well begun is half done.”

Tom Corfman is a senior consultant with Ragan Consulting Group who can’t start writing a story without crafting what he thinks is a good first sentence. Do you want to learn more about our Build Better Writers program of workshops and one-on-one training? Email Tom to set up a free call with him and RCG co-founder and senior partner Jim Ylisela.

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